And How He Has Grown
by Starr123
Summary: One shot. A possible version of events after sirius' death in the OOTP. Dumbledore's POV. R&R :


We sat in silence for a long time in my office. I could see Harry watching the sun rise yet not really looking at it at all. His eyes were unfocused and dull and it pained me to see them like that. Only a few days ago had I observed them so happy and joyful yet now they were sad and full of despair.

I kept glancing at him, determined to catch his eye and offer another explanation that I felt I owed him – yet he never looked at me. I don't know what was going through his mind and it scared me that he wasn't sharing it and that he was keeping it all bottled up.

After what seemed like a lifetime he finally lifted his head off his hand and whispered, "Can I leave now?"

I nodded. How could I refuse him now, after he had listened to what I'd had to say? He got up slowly, as if it caused him pain and he walked after from me and out of the door.

"Shall I follow him Dumbledore?" came the voice of one of the portraits.

"No," I murmured, "Leave him."

However much I wanted to follow him and to find out what he was about to do, I knew that I mustn't. He needed time to think and to be with his friends. Also, he needed a break from being watched. Although he did not know it, I had been watching his every move since the first day he had arrived.

I had looked on as he'd excelled at Qudditch and I'd witnessed the torments and rumours that he'd endured from the students. I had sat at his bedside in the hospital wing after each of his injuries and had been helpless while he'd struggled with Dolores Umbridge.

I owed Harry so much yet I knew that if I had to make that choice again then I would do exactly the same. I wanted to protest like his friends had, when I'd told them not to tell him anything and to leave him in the dark. I wanted to argue and to rescue Harry from the Dursley's, like Sirius and Lupin had been prepared to do. But as I was Albus Dumbledore I had not, because I'd got the strength and wisdom of no other wizard.

I sat in my office by myself for a while after Harry had left. A knock at my office door brought my attention to the presence as Severus' head appeared.

"Sorry Headmaster, I was merely enquiring to see if you were alright as you were not at Breakfast," he said. I could see his eye's lingering on the objects that Harry had thrown around the room. "I take it that The Boy did not take _his_ death well?" he added.

I sighed, "No, but then again it is to be expected. After all he has lost already."

"That does not give him any excuse to go and destroy your possessions Albus."

"I do not expect you to understand Severus. Now please, I have work to do," I said with a tone of finality. I did not have the patience to discuss Harry with Severus when I knew what he thought of him. Severus nodded and walked out of the office.

It had been a few hours since our early morning row, so I decided to go and check on Harry. Not to talk to him, but just to see that he was coping. With one sweep of my wand my office was back to normal so I headed out to the corridors.

When I came to Transfiguration I stopped and looked through the door archway. I could see the fifth year's in there – preparing for their OWL's – but there was no sign of Harry. I quickly spotted the bushy hair of Miss Granger and the sharpness of Mr Weasley's but there was no untidy black mop between or near them. Minerva caught my eye and we exchanged a look. With a slight shake of her head she answered my silent question and I sighed. I guess it came as no surprise to find that Harry had not gone to his lesson.

I headed back to my office and glanced out the window. I was met by a sight that relieved my heart. Sitting by the lake was Harry, all alone, staring out across the waters. It pained me to think that he'd prefer to be by himself than with his friends but at least I knew where he was.

He sat there all afternoon, not moving just sitting and looking. I watched him, analysing his sunken features and his lifeless body language. I had done this to him. The whole year of avoiding and ignoring him had contributed to his sadness and his lack of faith in me now.

Each time he had called after me or tried to make eye contact with me at dinner I had refused him and thought about the greater good. Then, I kept thinking about how much my actions were affecting me as I felt guilt flood through me each time. Now, I could see just how much they'd affected Harry. I hadn't seen the pain in eye's each time I'd walked away from him or seen the confusion when I'd slid my gaze from him. But staring at him by the lake proved just how much it had.

My small ivory clock chimed softly in the background announcing the arrival of Dinner. As if hearing it, Harry got up and walked back to the castle, staring at the ground.

When I got to the Great Hall, Harry hadn't arrived yet and I questioned briefly in my mind whether he would show up. However ten minutes in, I spotted him walk through the doors and quickly sit down by his friends on the Gryffindor table. Within seconds all I could do was watch as Minerva went over to him. They argued for a few moments before she gave up and came over to the Staff Table.

"What did you say to him?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"I told him that it was not acceptable to miss my lesson at such a vital time in his education," she replied while seating herself and spooning food onto her plate.

"What did he say?"

"That he'd fallen asleep in the dormitory and lost track of time," she snorted, "Even I could see through that lie. I don't know what he was up to but it certainly wasn't sleeping – the boy's got terrible dark circles under his eyes."

I quickly looked over at Harry. He seemed to be having a heated conversation with Ron and Hermione. Then without warning, he got up and walked angrily out of the hall. Hermione glanced up and caught my eye before heading out with Ron in pursuit of Harry. The look was disturbed me. It contained accusation and disappointment. It was as if she was blaming me for Harry's upset and she had every right to do so.

"It's not your fault Albus," Minerva said quietly to me, obviously the look had not been missed by her.

At the Gryffindor table I could see Ginny Weasley and a few of Harry's other friends exchanged worried looks between themselves.

"It is Minerva," I replied, "It's all my fault."


End file.
